lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
