I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
