so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
