that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
