Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
