i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
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After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
