Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
