like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
