Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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