I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
