I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
