There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
