They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
