My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
