the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
