Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Randomize
