my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
