I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
There's always time for handjobs
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
