I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
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