I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
