i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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