what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
