i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
