I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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