A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just had sex on a roof
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
