We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
