first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
