May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
