So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
