sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
