im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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