Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
