Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
