hell yes lets make some ravioli
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
