This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
