I wish I could teleport
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
