my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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