seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
