Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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