miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
