The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
