Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
