I need to stop coming to work sober
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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