it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
