I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
