He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
