Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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