i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
The Olympian is in my bed
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
