Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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