i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
