I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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