You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize