Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
