oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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