I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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