Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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